As a 24/7 caregiver, attending Mass is a much-needed source of respite and rejuvenation for me. Amidst the constant demands of caregiving, being in Jesus’s presence allows me to pause, reflect, and recharge. The serenity and spiritual nourishment I find in Mass give me the strength and comfort to face the challenges of the coming week.

To this day, I still mourn the loss of my regular connection to His presence through my volunteer work in the sanctuary. The absence of that spiritual nourishment felt like a form of withdrawal, as being in His presence had become an addiction of sorts. The sanctuary was truly a place of refuge and solace for me, and adjusting to life without it has been a difficult journey.

As I grapple with accepting this change, I find myself searching for a way to experience His presence in the same profound way I did within the walls of the church. I yearn to bring the Eucharist home, but alas, that is not a possibility.

So, I am left wondering how I can forge that deep connection with God once more. I am feeling empty and a bit lost. I am feeling a lot of frustration and sadness.

As I am writing, I realize I am mourning several big losses in my life. I miss my husband. Granted he is here physically, but he is so different. Dementia has changed him. I never know what I’m going to get from one day to the next.

Side note: For my non-Catholic readers, I know our beliefs might differ. Just keep in mind that my perspective on faith and Mass is deeply rooted in my personal experiences, and it’s something that really helps me navigate life. I respect your beliefs, and I hope you can respect mine too.

God bless