I can easily imagine a world where you could live in a dystopian apartment block where 20,000 residents never need to go outside. https://www.birdsadvice.com/inside-a-dystopian-apartment-block-where-where-its-20000-residents-never-need-to-go-outside/?fbclid=IwY2xjawHIEKJleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHaAhwt9VjZ1a7ubXvSEpmW_X79S2JJJX2IgbnRueWtHR5yUCvF2m3IaRdw_aem_AaNdnesY-tHwPIM0GICcRw

I’d never have to worry about Dave. I could conveniently go to my PT or grocery shop and leave him home. If he did wander, he would be quickly found. By the time I met all the neighbors, they too would know he had dementia. That would make my life so much easier and him happier. He’d have plenty of people to talk to up and down the halls. I’m not fun. I’m a silent type of person. I talk some, but not much. Whereas he can BS forever!

I would miss out on nature and outdoor activities, and I’d have to get outdoors to enjoy what the natural world has to offer; the scent of flowers, trees, and grass, watching the flying insects and birds and feeling the wind on my skin.

Before my Dave’s dementia got worse, he and I would go to our cabin in the southern part of the state. I could walk forever on the train tracks taking in the wonders surrounding us in the woods and marshes.

One year, the water was so high, that it was almost up to the train tracks. As we walked along the tracks, taking in the wonders of the woods and marshes, we saw a pair of geese paddling lazily about their pond. Swans and geese are territorial! They spotted us and fearlessly paddled up to the tracks threatening us; cursing and flapping their wings. What a ruckus they made. We turned around and headed back down the tracks with them following us overhead until we got home. They then flew back to their nesting area. It cracked us up. The next time we decided to walk, we went in the opposite direction. I truly miss those times with Dave. We had so much fun; just he and I at the cabin enjoying time with one another.

Dave and I went to the doctor yesterday. The doctor is elderly but still brilliant. He is also a friend. Dave normally loves to see him. They catch up on what’s been happening in their lives. It’s usually never a problem, but yesterday, he sat in the waiting room chair slouching, arms folded, while grumping and growling under his breath. He was scared he was going to get bad news from the doctor. When Doc came out though, he straightened right up, thrilled to see him, forgetting he was worried.

Dave was surprised when Doc started addressing me first, but he eventually got to him. He just wanted to ensure his medication was still working well.

Doc has diagnosed me with lipedema. We had been conversing via email while he was out of state. When he saw my legs, he was quite alarmed and contacted the PT department at the hospital. He is prescribing PT twice a week for one to two hours at a time to get this issue under control. Dave can’t follow conversations very well which is in my favor.

When the time comes for PT, I’m not telling him anything except that I have a PT appointment. I’ll load Kindle Fire with movies to keep him entertained. If he knew that the PT sessions would be from one to two hours, he’d want to stay home; not understanding why he can’t remain alone. At the same time, he will not allow anyone to stay with him so that he can remain home. (If you read my other blog entries then you’d understand why he can’t stay home alone. It is due to a safety issue. He makes poor dangerous choices.)

When Dave gets stubborn and argumentive, my eye usually starts ticking. I feel helpless. Thankfully he can’t see my stress or he’d stress out too. That is the last thing I want, so I try to remain calm. He can’t help who he is now.

Dave often responds as a child when he is resistant to something he has to do, but I can’t treat him like one other than try to soothe him. If he were a child, I’d give him a swat on the butt or threaten to ground him if he didn’t straighten up. I can’t do that to him. He is an adult, even if he is acting childish. He has regressed enough that he now wipes everything onto his pants. It’s so gross. Getting him to change them is another challenge.

Today was frustrating. My quad broke down so I can’t plow. It died in a bad part of the road. Luckily our neighbors saw us and effortlessly pushed it into my daughter’s drive lol. I left it there. She said she would mess with it this weekend. It’s something to do with the battery. I am sure of it. The lights won’t even come on.

I can’t find my PT referral either. It and a Christmas card went missing yesterday. It happened while I was putting away groceries. I located the Christmas card. Dave had opened it and stuck it between two books on the bookcase. I don’t know what he did with the referral. That will teach me to leave my stuff on the coffee table where he can see it. I normally try to ensure he doesn’t have access to the mail, but my arms were loaded, and I dropped the mail and PT paper there while passing. My bad. 🙂

Two positives happened that perked me up: My Dave helped me shovel our walk which was a nice surprise. Unfortunately, the way the snow is coming down, it will be needed again. He rode with me to the gas station to get fuel for the generator. He lifted the gas cans for me when they got full into the back of my truck. If the electricity goes down, I can plug in the generator. I wish I could afford a generator that would automatically start.

I just got some good news. My son is off tomorrow. He has a truck with a plow on it!! He said he would help with the snow! Yay,!! My heart is filled with relief and joy.

It’s time to wind up this blog entry and publish it. I already fed Dave and the dogs. Dave refilled the dogs’ water bowl and set it on the couch. I need to move it to the floor, and I think I’ll take some time to read. Bye for now.