Tag Archive | jesus

Mass is My Respite

Dec29

As a 24/7 caregiver, attending Mass is a much-needed source of respite and rejuvenation for me. Amidst the constant demands of caregiving, being in Jesus’s presence allows me to pause, reflect, and recharge. The serenity and spiritual nourishment I find in Mass give me the strength and comfort to face the challenges of the coming week.

To this day, I still mourn the loss of my regular connection to His presence through my volunteer work in the sanctuary. The absence of that spiritual nourishment felt like a form of withdrawal, as being in His presence had become an addiction of sorts. The sanctuary was truly a place of refuge and solace for me, and adjusting to life without it has been a difficult journey.

As I grapple with accepting this change, I find myself searching for a way to experience His presence in the same profound way I did within the walls of the church. I yearn to bring the Eucharist home, but alas, that is not a possibility.

So, I am left wondering how I can forge that deep connection with God once more. I am feeling empty and a bit lost. I am feeling a lot of frustration and sadness.

As I am writing, I realize I am mourning several big losses in my life. I miss my husband. Granted he is here physically, but he is so different. Dementia has changed him. I never know what I’m going to get from one day to the next.

Side note: For my non-Catholic readers, I know our beliefs might differ. Just keep in mind that my perspective on faith and Mass is deeply rooted in my personal experiences, and it’s something that really helps me navigate life. I respect your beliefs, and I hope you can respect mine too.

God bless

Reflections on Mercy, Justice, and Childhood Memories

Dec4

I’m going to have to remind my hubby to drink more water throughout the day. He had charlie horses off and on through the night. He eats bananas but that isn’t enough. Anyhow I woke at 10:00am. That’s late for me. The fire was out, but the house stayed surprisingly, warm. I had gotten up at 7:00 am to give Starfire her meds. I went back to bed for a little me time. It was so peaceful, and quiet for a change. I didn’t expect to go back to sleep.

It’s Advent, and I am listening to the daily podcast, “Face to Face: Advent with Fr. Mike Schmitz from Ascension”. There are 25 episodes. Today is about getting justice. Every time we turn around we compare what we received to what others received and think it’s unfair. But, do we really want what we deserve from God? It’s all up to what we have chosen in life. Have we chosen to be kind, helpful, and considerate or are we choosing to be liars, bullies, and thieves? Thankfully, God is merciful. I’m choosing mercy because I definitely need it. I’m human. I make mistakes. I lose my temper, but I also try to be a good person; but because I am human, I slip up. Therefore I am asking God for mercy. Thank you, Lord Jesus. I don’t deserve mercy, but I’m choosing you. I’m choosing mercy. I truly believe my salvation is dependent on how I handle my hubby’s dementia, how I treat him, and how I love him. I think many of us will be judged for how we care for others; especially those who are vulnerable or in need. Check out the Ascension app and listen to these episodes. They are very thought-provoking.

I’m also organizing Christmas dinner. I hope to purchase what is needed this Friday when I go to Fairbanks. I have a dental appointment that day and I like getting as much as I can taken care of when going to town. It burns a lot of gas, and fuel is costly. As a child, I recall at the gas stations the attendants coming out and changing the prices on the signs undercutting one another. I was perplexed and queried my Granny. Why are those guys running back and forth like that changing the signs? “Gas War”, she exclaimed. Wars are supposed to involve guns and explosives, right? I was a literal child, and I am still very literal. Gas was cheap then. Not anymore sadly.

Today is garbage day. I have to warm up the rig, pick up my kids’ garbage at their homes and then go to the dump. I also have to run to the post office. Later, I will write about one of Dave’s delusions.

Cheers!!