Tag Archive | god

Never Truly Alone, Walking It With Him

May13

I live in a Catholic world. It is not an easy path to follow at all. In truth, it can be quite hard. I have friends from many different walks of life. I love my friends who live in the secular world, even if I do not always approve of their choices. Regardless, I still love them unconditionally. I wish them well and want the best for them, even the ones who have hurt me. I try never to hurt anyone, even when I disagree with them. Admittedly, I have foundered in that area lately and feel horrible. All I can do is apologize.

Catholicism is integrated into my daily life. I fail terribly at times. I strive to honor God in how I live, but being human, temptations can easily pull me off that narrow path. My chosen way of life is strict in many ways, yet when I stay on that path, I find peace. It is usually when I veer away from it that I find confusion, sadness, and misery within myself. That confusion, sadness, and misery can easily affect others as well. I have to remind myself of this daily. Everything I do and say has consequences, and those consequences matter to me and to the people I love.

For me, that faith also shaped my understanding of marriage. There was trust, loyalty, and commitment between Dave and me. That does exist outside the Catholic faith too, of course, because goodness exists in many people regardless of religion. Still, I believe my faith gave our marriage structure, accountability, and purpose. In a world that often feels chaotic and uncertain, that stability mattered deeply to me. Dave and I knew where we stood with one another.

I struggle to understand modern relationships sometimes. So much of the world now feels temporary and disposable. People move in and out of each other’s lives quickly, often leaving hurt behind them. Perhaps they are searching for happiness, but I sometimes wonder if they are truly finding it. Yes, there are miserable married Catholics. I feel very blessed to have shared life with a man such as Dave. He wasn’t passionate, but he loved me, and that matters more than anything. I’ve had passion. It is absolutely marvelous, but passion itself isn’t enough. Love, however, is.

I miss the stability our marriage brought. I miss the protection I had. I don’t know if I will ever encounter it again. I have to find a way to hold that stability within myself now that my Dave is gone. It will take time, I know. Somehow, I will find it.

Ultimately, Catholicism gives me direction, meaning, continued spiritual growth, and above all, peace—when I stay on the path I believe I am meant to follow. I am learning how to continue, even while falling occasionally, and with God’s grace, standing back up, brushing myself off, and carrying on this journey—never truly alone, but walking it with Him.

He’s in God’s Hands

Apr29

I’ve been doing really well lately. Today, however, was a bit harder. I woke up sad and burdened with a confused and heavy heart. My husband isn’t here, of course. His death came on January 7, 2026.

The only times we were ever separated overnight were when I had to travel for work, or when I went on the occasional overnight trip with my daughter. So today, I decided to go for a two-mile walk. I took in God’s handiwork, created for all of us to enjoy and embrace if we choose. I took many photos, and as a result, my two-mile walk took almost three hours because I kept stopping often.

The sun felt so good on my bare head, warming me from the inside out. I’ve missed the sun. Our winters are so long, and this one seemed longer and darker than ever. I longed—and still long—to see flowers again.

The waterfowl have arrived, and more are still arriving. I took some lovely photos at Creamer’s Field. I intend to return this Friday and enjoy the exciting noise and cries of our long-awaited annual visitors.

hope to wake up early enough to attend Mass tomorrow. With the warmer weather, I hope to get into the habit of daily Mass. I always feel comforted and at peace in His presence in the sanctuary. I don’t know what I would do without Him.

I need to start spreading my wings again and getting out to enjoy the life God has graciously given me. I love my husband deeply, and I have to remind myself not to feel guilty for learning how to live again. Granted, it still feels strange to wake up and not have something immediate to do for someone other than myself. It feels awkward.

Thankfully, I have my dogs. They get me up and give me motivation.

I’m going to blog my memories and anything else that comes to mind. Much of it will be memories of caring for my Dave—not in chronological order.

The last four months were so hard. Before that, life with Alzheimer’s was becoming harder day by day. Poor Dave—he didn’t understand and was so confused. By the end, he thought I was his mama or his sweetie.

Gads I miss that man of mine. I know he is okay. He’s in God’s hands.

Goodnight,

kj

Reflections on Mercy, Justice, and Childhood Memories

Dec4

I’m going to have to remind my hubby to drink more water throughout the day. He had charlie horses off and on through the night. He eats bananas but that isn’t enough. Anyhow I woke at 10:00am. That’s late for me. The fire was out, but the house stayed surprisingly, warm. I had gotten up at 7:00 am to give Starfire her meds. I went back to bed for a little me time. It was so peaceful, and quiet for a change. I didn’t expect to go back to sleep.

It’s Advent, and I am listening to the daily podcast, “Face to Face: Advent with Fr. Mike Schmitz from Ascension”. There are 25 episodes. Today is about getting justice. Every time we turn around we compare what we received to what others received and think it’s unfair. But, do we really want what we deserve from God? It’s all up to what we have chosen in life. Have we chosen to be kind, helpful, and considerate or are we choosing to be liars, bullies, and thieves? Thankfully, God is merciful. I’m choosing mercy because I definitely need it. I’m human. I make mistakes. I lose my temper, but I also try to be a good person; but because I am human, I slip up. Therefore I am asking God for mercy. Thank you, Lord Jesus. I don’t deserve mercy, but I’m choosing you. I’m choosing mercy. I truly believe my salvation is dependent on how I handle my hubby’s dementia, how I treat him, and how I love him. I think many of us will be judged for how we care for others; especially those who are vulnerable or in need. Check out the Ascension app and listen to these episodes. They are very thought-provoking.

I’m also organizing Christmas dinner. I hope to purchase what is needed this Friday when I go to Fairbanks. I have a dental appointment that day and I like getting as much as I can taken care of when going to town. It burns a lot of gas, and fuel is costly. As a child, I recall at the gas stations the attendants coming out and changing the prices on the signs undercutting one another. I was perplexed and queried my Granny. Why are those guys running back and forth like that changing the signs? “Gas War”, she exclaimed. Wars are supposed to involve guns and explosives, right? I was a literal child, and I am still very literal. Gas was cheap then. Not anymore sadly.

Today is garbage day. I have to warm up the rig, pick up my kids’ garbage at their homes and then go to the dump. I also have to run to the post office. Later, I will write about one of Dave’s delusions.

Cheers!!