Tag Archive | alzheimers

Acceptance in the Face of Chronic Illness: Learning to Let Go and Live in the Moment

Dec5

We are currently watching “For All Man Kind” on the AppleTV Channel. It is an excellent series, and I highly recommend it. While the show did base some of its work on actual events and included historical figures like astronauts Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, and Deke Slayton it is actually a work of fiction. I did a lot of googling. I was so disappointed. There never was a lunar base on the moon as shown in the show. I figured the government hadn’t been transparent with all of its NASA activity. I mean how surprising would that be, right?

This morning started off differently than normal. Usually though chaotic, it goes pretty smoothly. At the same time, I realize that you never know what you are going to get day by day when you work with someone who has dementia. My hubby was looking down forlornly at several pairs of shoes and informed me none of them fit properly. I pointed out the pair he’d been wearing, but he said they still didn’t fit. So I walked away to let him try to work it out. A bit later he came in with a sock. He was flustered. He couldn’t bend to get his sock on. Luckily, it was a different sock than the one he had on the other foot. I ran to the bedroom and grabbed a matching sock and the shoes he’d been wearing. I slipped on his sock and then the shoes and not one word came out of him. He did smile however and had zero complaints that the shoes were not fitting properly. He then ate his breakfast and surfed the Internet.

Alzheimer’s is so weird. One day my hubby is fine and all synapses firing as they should and the next day, it can be the complete opposite. His delusions and hallucinations (something I will get into later) have cut back thankfully. I’ve noticed when his brain is changing now, he gets hypersexual. I then know that something new will pop up. For example, the shoe episode this morning. Sleeping in his day clothes. Not making his sandwiches or tea any longer. And not drinking water. These are all recent developments.

Hubby has argued over bathing and changing his clothing for a good year. I now tell him, it’s shower day and I’m putting a heater in his bathroom to make it warm for him. A heater is a great enticement. It didn’t work last week though. He was still resistant. So yesterday when trimming his toenails, I emphasized how badly his feet smell and how dirty it was between his toes. I told him he would be lucky not to get a fungal infection. He looked a bit alarmed hehehe. My plot worked. He got in the shower, and I stole his dirty clothes :). I laid out clean everything. A bit later he came out in pj bottoms. Hubby: “I can’t figure out what to put on.”Me: “I have everything laid out for you. Let me go through it with you.” He just needed some guidance.

As I mentioned in another blog entry before my hubby was put on Gabapentin, he was angry and paranoid. He was having severe delusions. Granted, the delusions are still there, but more subtle. This summer, not only did he run off, but he was spying too. He was convinced that he had sold the property to the new neighbors and that they had parked a plane on our property without his permission and without paying him for the parking space. He was constantly cutting through the woods and spying on them. That stressed me out so much. I was concerned he would get rude and there would be a conflict. My imagination was going overboard. Stress does that to me. The house the new neighbors moved into once belonged to him. He lost it in a divorce. His ex-wife then sold it years ago. In turn, that owner lived there for a couple of decades and then decided to sell. I know, it is complicated and especially complicated for someone with dementia. Regardless, hubby thinks there were three houses on that property and that they bulldozed them down. He also thinks they dug a hole and dropped a sewer tank on our property. He’s always been a bit territorial, but with dementia, it has really gotten bad.

Thankfully, God gives me the grace to show my hubby love and most of the time patience. Of course, I drop the ball from time to time, but blogging is helping me see I’m doing far better than I thought I was.

Caregiving is a Lonely Journey. Dementia is Expensive!

Dec3

Caregiving is lonely. You feel abandoned. Friends quit reaching out and avoid you. My family tries, but my family size is minuscule. There are only four of us. So I am in this role for 24-7 alone except when I get to attend mass on Sundays. My daughter watches her dad while I am at Mass for an hour. One bright light is a weekly Zoom session with my past boss who is also a friend. I am so grateful to her. I had to give up my volunteer work. I loved volunteering. It let me help others and gave me a social outlet too. People with dementia become very self-centered. They are scared and cling to whoever they feel is the most important person in their life. So he doesn’t care if I need medical, a haircut, etc. He likes to stick to his routine, and I better not change it. Regardless, I get my hair cut once every 8 weeks. He had a tantrum the last time he had to go with me. ~sigh~

I have my dogs at least; Starfire, a Karelian Bear Dog, and Kaya, my lab/border collie mix. They are a handful and so much joy. They also give me a lot of stress both financially and their health issues, but a lot of love as well. Starfire’s liver enzymes are a bit high and Kaya has kidney disease. There is no telling what he fed them while I was working. He was starting to show signs of dementia at least 11 years ago when I look back. Medical for pets has skyrocketed. I’m spending over $300 a month on medication for them. A bag of prescription dog food is over $100 a month! I’m now adding rice and veggies to their kibble to bulk it out and save money. A tiny tube of eye ointment is $30 and then the drops are around $80. Kaya has to have it or she will go blind. Starfire’s liver supplement is over $50 a month.

Dementia is expensive. My hubby can tear things apart but can’t reassemble. He tore the siding off the back of the house we currently live in. Where he stored it, I have no idea. I’ve searched and searched. I suspect he dropped it off at the dump. This occurred when I was working full-time. The siding has yet to be replaced. It’s expensive. He was a tip-top mechanic. I had a leaky steering hose in my van. He tore all sorts of stuff out of my van. My son got it reassembled and off to the auto shop it went. Hubby was insulted but he got over it. Now I take all of my rigs into the shop for repairs. I suspect he loosened one of my brakes. It fell off and hung down. What a racket it made when driving. The auto technician was horrified when he saw it. That Autoshop takes good care of me!

My hubby has to have the most expensive food and food in Alaska is already expensive (but I won’t deny him. This is all he has to look forward to now); bread, graham crackers, special tea, etc. He eats a block of graham crackers a day even though I ensure there are plenty of other snacks available for him. He insisted on $6 dark rye bread. Now he won’t eat it. He is positive it has seeds. He believes the seeds are getting under his false teeth. There are no seeds. And that’s another thing. I took him in to get his false teeth relined. Later that night, he dug out the $450 relining! Oh my gosh, I was in tears. Thankfully the dentist has a lot of compassion. She redid it for free. I removed all the tools I could find to prevent him from doing it again. He had done most of the damage in the bathroom where I couldn’t see!

He can’t be left alone. He is still independent but makes dangerous choices. He added hot embers from the woodstove into his plastic trashcan. The floor got scorched. The smell was bad!! I lectured him on the dangers not that it did much good. A couple of days later I caught him putting hot ashes and embers into a plastic garbage bag. Then a week later into another plastic garbage can. This time I had no clue where the toxic smell was coming from. I thought the wiring was melting in the walls, and I nearly called the fire station. Finally, I located the smell coming from his garbage can. So I replaced the woodstove with a pellet stove; $8k later! He is scared of it thankfully lol. But it doesn’t heat like my woodstove did. So we are cold but at least the house won’t burn down! Also, I can’t split wood any longer, and he sure can’t. I’ve had both shoulders rebuilt due to splitting wood for years.

My hubby is furious that he can no longer drive. He insists “they” took his license away. He gave it up voluntarily but doesn’t remember.

This is just a little bit of what is occurring. In my next blog, I’ll write about his delusions, paranoia, and anger.

11 Years Later

Dec3

It’s been 11 years since I last journaled!!  My life has changed dramatically. I’m retired. I’m a full-time caregiver to my husband who has dementia.  This summer was wicked, but thanks to Gabapaten (for my husband) life is easier again.  

My husband suddenly became angry and paranoid.  His anger and paranoia got worse with each passing day.   One day he decided he was going to walk to Safeway.  I thought he was out in our woods raking. He loves to do that daily so I was not concerned.  Luckily he is pretty crippled up, got tired, and came home. It was truly a tough summer.  He was so angry.  I realize he’s lost a lot of freedom. He is no longer allowed to drive, go anywhere without someone, or be alone at home.  He makes poor choices now, and as a result, I am with him 24-7 except on Sunday morning when my daughter comes by to sit with him while I go to mass.

 I don’t want my husband sedated. That is no life. In desperation, I researched the Internet and found an article about the testing of Gabapten on dementia patients who are having behavior issues. I reached out to our doctor who agreed to try it out. What a miracle drug!  He’s back to being my sweetie!  I look back now and chuckle, but it was not funny at the time. I was exhausted mentally from the stress.  ( Collapse )

Star who is now 11 years old, slipped this summer and injured her spine.  She was on a leash for several weeks and what an unhappy girl she was.  She is an active girl but didn’t get much of a summer due to her injury.  It is winter here now and she spends a lot of time outdoors now that she is healed rolling rocks looking for voles. Her arthritis is awful in the evening. Sitting down and getting up is painful. She is on Galliprant and Gabapaten.  They help but the vet wants to put her on that controversial drug, Librela.  I refused.   I called and left a message that I’m not interested in Librela but in using Adequan.  I received a voice message from the vet once again pushing Librela and not one mention of Adequan!  So Star is still on Galliprant and Gabapaten along with her supplements.  I have to wonder if the vets are getting special perks by pushing librela on their patients? Star also had dental surgery two weeks ago.  By the time they were done along with a $5 complimentary nail clipping, I paid out of pocket $1400. 

 Veterinary costs are skyrocketing and it’s to the point if you get a pup, get health insurance!  Don’t wait.  Only the elite can now afford pets sadly. Once my furbabies pass, I won’t be getting another.  My pension isn’t much, but I love them, so I will take good care of them until they pass on.

I got my husband’s bathroom cleaned.  Ugh. I really need a hazmat suit.  I vacuumed the bedroom.  I need to plow due to the snow that fell last night but not until tomorrow maybe after mass.  I love plowing, but I can’t face it right now.   

Dinner is easy.  I love skillet dinners. Packaged in a bag it gets dumped into a skillet. Eight minutes later, done!  My hubby has a healthy meal.  I season it with Johnnie’s seasoning.  Easy Peasy and pretty healthy.  I hate cooking anymore but I like eating healthy.