I live in a Catholic world. It is not an easy path to follow at all. In truth, it can be quite hard. I have friends from many different walks of life. I love my friends who live in the secular world, even if I do not always approve of their choices. Regardless, I still love them unconditionally. I wish them well and want the best for them, even the ones who have hurt me. I try never to hurt anyone, even when I disagree with them. Admittedly, I have foundered in that area lately and feel horrible. All I can do is apologize.

Catholicism is integrated into my daily life. I fail terribly at times. I strive to honor God in how I live, but being human, temptations can easily pull me off that narrow path. My chosen way of life is strict in many ways, yet when I stay on that path, I find peace. It is usually when I veer away from it that I find confusion, sadness, and misery within myself. That confusion, sadness, and misery can easily affect others as well. I have to remind myself of this daily. Everything I do and say has consequences, and those consequences matter to me and to the people I love.

For me, that faith also shaped my understanding of marriage. There was trust, loyalty, and commitment between Dave and me. That does exist outside the Catholic faith too, of course, because goodness exists in many people regardless of religion. Still, I believe my faith gave our marriage structure, accountability, and purpose. In a world that often feels chaotic and uncertain, that stability mattered deeply to me. Dave and I knew where we stood with one another.

I struggle to understand modern relationships sometimes. So much of the world now feels temporary and disposable. People move in and out of each other’s lives quickly, often leaving hurt behind them. Perhaps they are searching for happiness, but I sometimes wonder if they are truly finding it. Yes, there are miserable married Catholics. I feel very blessed to have shared life with a man such as Dave. He wasn’t passionate, but he loved me, and that matters more than anything. I’ve had passion. It is absolutely marvelous, but passion itself isn’t enough. Love, however, is.

I miss the stability our marriage brought. I miss the protection I had. I don’t know if I will ever encounter it again. I have to find a way to hold that stability within myself now that my Dave is gone. It will take time, I know. Somehow, I will find it.

Ultimately, Catholicism gives me direction, meaning, continued spiritual growth, and above all, peace—when I stay on the path I believe I am meant to follow. I am learning how to continue, even while falling occasionally, and with God’s grace, standing back up, brushing myself off, and carrying on this journey—never truly alone, but walking it with Him.